This post may not be specifically about food but it could certainly be applied to food and healthy living. It’s really about making positive changes in your life and looking at what is holding you back. Most of the time what holds us back is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of being judged. Fear of being seen. Or not seen.
But when you look at it closely, there are really just two kinds of fear. The kind that is an instinctual feeling that something isn’t right and could be potentially dangerous to our physical well being; and the kind where we create in our minds some negative outcome that has yet to happen and may never happen. Our minds tend to get into the way with both of these but interestingly in opposite ways.
The first kind, instinctual fear, is very helpful in keeping us alive. It is also something we need to train ourselves to listen to more often. When we feel that instinctual fear, we try think ourselves out of it, dismiss our feelings and rationalize that going down that dark alley alone will be fine. Or we choose to trust someone our gut is telling us not to.
The second kind, mental fear, can keep us from living our lives to the fullest. We make up some negative unknown outcome. Examples are being too afraid to say hi to a romantic interest or to ask for a raise for fear of rejection. There is no imminent physical danger and yet, we react to that fear as if there were.
The hard part is separating the two and knowing when to push through the fear and when to involve our ‘fight or flight’ response. It seems like it would be a simple task. Ask yourself, “Am I, or could I, potentially be in physical danger?” Most often the answer will be “no.”
This works fine for smaller life choices where we may hesitate. Should I try that new restaurant or should I go to that movie alone?
But what about the BIG life choices? Should I take that job across the country and away from friends and family? Should I quit my job and pursue my dream? Should I spend that extra money on a vacation or invest it?
There is no simple answer for these, and no right or wrong answers. If we are using the safety question, “Am I physically in danger?” The answer is no. So you might think the answer to all of these questions would be yes, go for it! But mental fear kicks in and we start to think about all of the potentially negative outcomes and often that keeps us from making changes that could lead to something great.
So what do we do? Some of us choose to stick with the known, the routine, what feels safe. And that’s fine. IF that is what, in your heart, feels right for you. The key here, is to figure out what you, in your heart, really want in life.
However you choose to do that is fine. Most often we make a list of pros and cons or ask trusted friends and family for advice. Those are both great places to start but what is really needed, whether you start with that or not, is to get still and think about what makes your heart happy.
You may decide that you do want to take that dream job on the coast away from friends and family. Social media, technology and frequent visits will be enough to keep you close. Or you may decide that you’d get too lonely by yourself and can’t imagine life without your friends and family just a short walk or drive away.
I think the biggest thing to remember is that you can always change your mind. That dream job on the coast may not be what you expected or after a few years you realize you miss people too much and decide to move back. The best part of this is you pushed through your fear and won’t live with regrets and wondering ‘what if?”
It also helps to think about what you’re willing to lose to make your dream happen. Are you willing to risk one person on the entire planet potentially rejecting you, to make yourself open to the possibility of a great life together? Are you ok with losing the $2000 in moving costs if your move to the coast doesn’t work out? Or whatever the case may be. Or you can do it another way and set a limit. I will try this for x amount of months or x amount of dollars — knowing that you can change your mind and make those limits higher or lower whenever you want.
All of this is a process. And it may take weeks, months or even years. There will be good days of “Yes! Let’s do this!” And days of “What the hell was I thinking? I can’t do this!”
For me, the trick is to take baby steps. On the ‘good’ days, I do whatever I can to take even a small step toward my goal. That may involve doing some research or buying a small something I will need to get to my goal. Do whatever small step you are comfortable taking to move forward. Eventually you end up getting comfortable in each forward step and the steps get easier to take. On the ‘bad’ days, I do nothing. I try to not think about it too much. I talk to a friend or family member I know will give me a pep talk, but I take no action.
Every once in a while, especially on those ‘bad’ days, get still and check in with your heart to see if where you’re going is still what makes your heart happy. The question I often ask myself and one that has become a bit of a mantra when I’m feeling the fear is “What have I got to lose?” Most often the answer is nothing. In most situations taking a small step will either amount to nothing or will actually be a step forward. Asking for a raise will either get a “no” and nothing changes or will get a “yes” and you’ve moved forward. But refusing to take that step guarantees no movement.

So get still, dream big and take baby steps. What have you got to lose?